Tuesday, December 23, 2014

I'm going to have a Blue Blue Christmas without you.

It's true. This year has been the worst year ever, that i can' remember. In May I would never have thought that this would be my last year to spend with my husband. I think back to all the things that we were able to do together and it seemed that we did it all. We enjoyed being together, not many hours would pass when we were apart that we didn't call each other just to see what or how each others day was going, passing along a thought or something we saw that the other would like. Making plans for a weekend outing. We were weekend warriors i told him. Our last anniversary we spent a whole week at the beach, crabbing, camping going to the pub at the local pitstop in Westport WA. for a pint for me and a pitcher for him. So many lovely things. Only to get a call from work in the afternoon, Thursday Oct 23, saying he was going to the ER with chest pains, there they looked him over and kept him over night to run tests every 4 hours and early Friday morning to do a stress test. Friday morning after doing all the tests and finding nothing and telling him to lower his bp with meds, lower his cholesterol with meds, and he may have just had a touch of acid reflux and told to return to work Monday. So we checked out finished the day relaxing after filling his medication scripts then went home. Saturday we did our usual up early and went garage saleing. it wasn't a bad day with rain but was a bit dreary and sunny. Sunday early morning he woke once again with chest pains and said he thought we had best go back to ER so after dressing we hurriedly drove back to ER and just before getting there he said he was fine and turn round. We only live 2 hours from the hospital so i said no, i will pull over for a second. and just after pulling over he says no, its coming back! So i did a u turn and turned into the ER and got him inside, then while he sat down i told the desk he had just been released and still had chest pains, the said well he will have to come back up here, i told her, he can't stand he is in pain! She only said there's a wheel chair out there. so i got it and he sat down and just as i wheel him up to the desk the receptionist said come back here, she then attempted to take his temp and i said he is cold it wont read, as it was taking longer than usual, just then my husband had a acute cardiac arrest right there infront of me and all things broke lose. Dr.s rushing in but it was to late. My love passed away and I am now living a life of limbo. I have finally figured out it isn't October anymore. Its not November and Thanksgiving has passed and now December is nearly out the door too. Christmas was his favorite time of year, He was the biggest kid even when there were actual kids around. He was always pushing me to open just one early.. just one... so most times i gave in as he was pleading and so proud. How could i say no to a Happy Childman. LOL I will miss him all my life. Its true.. we were one, soul mates, life long loves separated by two countries and had only 12 years to make up the years of not knowing each other. Penpals for a year and a half and then lovers for life. Souls do connect once in a while and I'll be waiting and watching for his signal that he is near. I miss you, my love. Sleep well while you can.

Thursday, May 15, 2014


While craving beef jerky due to this new hi-protein diet, i started searching just what is out there to make into jerky. I found you can use just about any type of meat! So after shopping for the cheapest cut of meat and finding a nice pork hunk, i think its like a carnita or small roast i froze it and thinnest sliced it to dry in my dehydrator. wow.... it turned out so good i may NEVER go back to beef jerky! I am currently looking for a small beef pot roast to repeat and see how i like that! You can use chicken breast, turkey breast, pork and of course the beefy stuff. Just a note. Anything you get pound wise will be only half the amount you start with. so 1lb will only hydrate to 1/2 lb.

Sunday, May 4, 2014

The remains of love lost.

My how things change. Nothing remains the same. Love leaves marks on us that can never be erased. Love and pain go hand in hand. If one loves then one agrees to pain.Who's to say it is worth it. Love is blind to pain and pain is blind to love.

Saturday, November 16, 2013

Thanksgiving is for Thanks!

Sometimes i get caught up in the act of Thankfulness without "giving Thanks" doing the fall baking, decorating the house and yard. But in the wee hours of the morning when sleep evades me, that is when i can say Thanks, no hurried messages, no clearing and cleaning, no phones ringing or ads catching my attention. Just the still quiet of the night that i can really count my blessings and say my Thanks to the only one that has allowed me to have all these beautiful things in my life. So as Thanksgiving approaches I am going to work at saying Thank you and Thanks for being who you are in my life. And if you are reading this, then i want to say "Thank you" for being my friend and have a wonderful Thanksgiving!

Sunday, August 25, 2013

Fall~Time to change

so, yesterday makes it 11 years married. Lots of ups and downs, good and bad memories. Some things never change. Are we creatures of habit and not able to break away? I guess it is true if you don't learn from history you tend to repeat it. but then if you change what was one needs to create new. some halves never change on both sides so we are always different.
Fall is coming and another birthday will be slipping by. Still not a grandma to keep my mind and body busy. still a empty nester with no one to pour out my love on and the one that i do, doesn't want to receive it. so, i am stuck in momentum with no place to go. gives more understanding to all dressed up and no place to go. how can change happen when there is no one or nothing new to change. do we just keep plodding along? what is the use of trying? why bother. because the want is there even as tiny as a mustard seed. only the strong survive. am i one of them? time will tell.

Monday, August 12, 2013

Getting fruity

Sat. Aug 10th  Garage sale-ing Norman found a new used canopy for his Ranger, only problem was it is white but it looks good on his truck. 30.00 is a steal! I found a shepherds hook for a hanging basket and a small trellis for $2.00 ea.
Found a Queen mattress and box spring on Craigslist that was in excellent condition! They wanted $180.00 and had just reduced the price to $80.00 but i offered 60 and she said IF you can come NOW! Good thing we had some painters plastic because after NO rain for so long,,,,, you guessed it.. it began to rain, luckily it was only 6 miles away so it didn't get to wet on the edges.

Sun. Aug 11th Bought my first fruit trees yesterday, one Jonagold and one Sweet Cherry tree. Went looking for a few flowers to pot up and ended up looking at the clearance section of the fruit trees. both were reduced from $30.00 to $7.50 and so after careful picking, chose the semi dwarf Jonagold and the sweet cherry that should only get as tall as the house. Came home and remembered we were going to pick blackberries this weekend and so after grabbing the buckets, rags and water, we took off to our sweet spot in Washougal WA. and picked for 2 hours and filled a 5 gal. paint bucket nearly full! Quitting time, thankfully but as we picked we could hear the RC modelers flying their planes and so we drove down the road a bit and parked up. Took a few pictures while Norman gave the guys a chin-wag. Came home and those berries were already wilting so i had to wash them and prep them for freezing right away. I told Norman I could not make dinner let alone a salad and he went for a pizza.. whew! Finished our pizza and hit the sack early (9 pm) to watch my shows. ahhh bed. :) 

Tuesday, August 6, 2013

New views

Finished painting for Ed and his auto shop garage. 2500 sq ft and was a easy peasy job. Just had to go in and texture Saturday and then Sunday go back and top coat of paint and clean up and out. The job came in just the right time as i needed a new windshield and we were able to get a t.v stand for the living room. It looks beautiful!
Won't be long, 3 wks untill Dawn gets here and vacay.... yay! Summer has been wonderful. HOT HOT HOT and sunny. Even the brown grass is nice. Enjelle got a job but it is temporary right now. She also has had her second book published! She will be starting school in Sept to become a nutritionist. She was able to get full funding for full time! Another good thing. :) Can't have enough of those! Haven't seen Blaine and Katie much. Last time was on Katie's bday and Blaine says he will be over this week.... Another reason to smile. LOL. yay!